Freedom & Independence

Beyonce got it right when she said, “Ladies it ain’t easy being independent.” You know exactly what I’m talking about if your a single woman in this world.

girl in sunset

I myself am only recently single as of earlier this year for the first time since I was able to date. I have constantly had a boyfriend since my sophomore year in high school. I had those short breaks in between guys, but never enough time to really find myself and what I want out of life. The time to be free. That is independence. In fact, the very definition of independent is, “Free from outside control; not depending on another’s authority.”

This post is inspired by all of those women out there that have that one unhealthy relationship that they know they shouldn’t be in because he treats her like crap. I have been seeing it around me and in movies a lot lately. I’m sure we’ve all had at least one of those in our lives. The one where he calls whenever he needs something and knows you’ll come running to his kiss his feet. It’s the one in which we pretend that we don’t really want a relationship either. We’re just “hanging out” and “having fun.” The comfortable one. The one we are addicted to like a drug.

I read an article recently on Raptitude.com called 88 Important Truths I’ve Learned About Life that said:

The most common addiction in the world is the draw of comfort. It wrecks dreams and breaks people.

Trust me, I know how comfortable it is to come home and know that someone is there waiting for you, or that you never have to feel alone because there is someone special in your life. But you know what? That feeling of not being alone is only a facade. The article also said that if you aren’t happy single, you won’t be happy in a relationship, and that is so true. Granted I am somewhat of a newbie to this singlehood, I am probably the happiest I have been with myself ever. Finally taking a step back and seeing people around me doing the same thing I was in my unhealthy relationships is a huge eye-opener. I want to shake these women until they can see what I do.

I will admit, however, that I did have some help in getting to where I am happy about being single. Before the end of my last relationship, I read a book by Dr. Laura Schlessinger called 10 Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives. My mom gave be the book a long time ago when I was in high school. But I was stubborn then and thought I was in love with the guy I was dating. Boy, was I wrong! Yet, I seemed to keep falling for these guys that didn’t treat me right. Not all were bad, but there were always times in every relationship that I found myself asking myself if it’s what I wanted.

In a last ditch effort to make my last relationship work, I picked Dr. Laura’s book up off my shelf and started reading. I couldn’t put it down. I wasn’t married with kids or anything, but everything she was saying was like it was directed towards me. It felt weird and empowering to read about some of these women and how “stupid” they could be when it came to their relationships. Then I thought, “Shit. This is how I am.” I knew right then and there that if I wanted any relationship to work out in my life, I needed to change. I needed to work on myself and my insecurities. That’s what I’ve been doing ever since.

Yes, the loneliness gets to me every now and then, and sometimes life can get you down, but I love being able to come home to my own space and relax and do whatever it is I want to do. It is so incredibly freeing. I can do anything. It’s an exhilarating feeling of relief. No thing and no one is holding me back from following through with what I want to do with my life. It’s bliss.

The point is ladies, you’re not alone. Listen to your family and friends, the ones on the outside looking in. The ones who have been there. Listen to yourself. If you know it doesn’t feel right and are questioning your relationship, or lack thereof, get out right now. It isn’t worth the long-term pain and heartache. It may hurt for a little bit at first, but it’s better than figuring it out 10 years down the road when you’re hiring a divorce lawyer. You will find someone that deserves you and someone that wants to be with you and treats you the way you should be. Find your inner peace and happiness. It will resonate and you will glow. People will notice and they will be drawn to you. Trust me.

Carina Jaynes

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